Words I Couldn't Say
by Bxlynnmartin
Summary: If you wait too long for the perfect moment, the perfect moment will pass you by. All I can hear in the silence that remains are the words I couldn't say. Lucaya. One-shot.


**This story is based off the Leighton Meester version of Words I Couldn't Say by Rascal Flatts. Grab some headphones and play it in the background and you'll really understand how Maya is hurting.**

 **watch?v=VM4ZUrmpYtE**

 **I can't lie and say this story isn't kind of depressing but I felt like it needed to be written. I heard the song for the first time in a long time and all I could picture was this scene. I hope I did it justice.**

Maya had been about to make her way upstairs to the preparation suite when she passed the floor length mirror on the wall of her hotel room and caught sight of her reflection. Outwardly, she appeared the picture of happiness, an emotional mask left over from the rehearsal dinner last night. Wearily tucking a stray curl behind her ear, she took a deep breath to compose herself, knowing the façade couldn't be dropped anytime soon. Everyone had always told her that the eyes were the windows to the soul, something she had tried to replicate for years in her artwork, but her own blue eyes had built up a wall so thick from years of hiding her emotions that she almost fooled herself peering into the glass. She could almost pretend she was happy today.

 _In a book in a box in the closet,_

 _In a line in a song I once heard_

 _In a moment on a front porch late one June._

 _In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon._

Truth be told, today should have been a happy day for Maya. It would have been had it been easy to look in the mirror and fix her lip gloss and fluff her hair like any other woman attending a formal event. As it was, all Maya could see when she looked into that mirror was the image that had been burned into her mind's eye all morning; soft green eyes bright with the flickering orange and red light of a burning campfire.

Though the small area was unoccupied apart from her, she could hear the soft tenor of a warm voice asking her what signs he had been missing. Asking what emotions she had been keeping hidden.

 _There it was at the tip of my fingers,_

 _There it was on the tip of my tongue,_

 _There you were, and I had never been that far._

 _There it was: the whole world wrapped inside my arms_

Her eyes slid shut and for a small second she permitted herself to remember the feeling of his strong hands gently cradling her face so close to his own. She let herself feel the anticipation and butterflies he gave her and remembered the way his eyes glinted with hope. The same hope that her heart fluttered with for a moment under the country stars. She had only let these feelings in for a second and immediately she felt her false resolve waver. Just as it had that night in Texas.

 _And I let it all slip away._

The buzz of her phone inside her clutch forced Maya's eyes open and broke her from her reverie. She had known that Riley was upstairs right now waiting rather impatiently for her Maid of Honor to arrive but she had momentarily allowed herself to be sucked back into a memory of another time, another world…. another would-be love story.

The happiness that had broken through for a moment, however fleeting it was, instantly shifted to grief and the slightest of moisture pooled in the rim of her eyes. Blinking quickly, she turned away from the mirror with distaste and embarrassment and fanned air toward her face in an attempt to dry the almost-tears. Guilt weighed on her heart as she knew that Riley, kind, loving Riley, didn't deserve to be on the end of the thoughts that Maya couldn't keep from thinking.

Maya hastened through the door and up the elevator before she had any more time to herself. Alone time was a non-option now. The day was starting with or without her and she'd be damned if she missed any more of Riley getting ready for the biggest day of her life.

Ding. Floor Eight.

"Maya! This is really it. I can't believe I'm getting married today!" Riley was standing barefoot in her silk bridal robe at the elevator entrance on her floor and immediately lunged at Maya for an crushing embrace.

The feeling of Maya's emotional wall snapping up almost seemed tangible in its force but the smile that tilted her lips was very real. Her best friend was getting married today. It's been Riley's dream for almost the entirety of her life and now her dream is finally coming true. Despite her own feelings, Maya couldn't help the joy that she felt at witnessing the excitement sparkling in her other half's brown eyes. "I know honey. How are you feeling?"

Riley pulled back quickly and grabbed Maya's arm in a move to pull her toward the suite.

"Fantastic of course. It's my wedding day! I honestly can't believe it's really happening. I woke up this morning and kept thinking 'Today is my wedding day'. I'm going to be a wife! It all just seems so unreal," The two women practically jogged hand in hand across the plush carpet into the room and plopped down on the bed with Riley's fellow bridesmaids. However, sensing the time constraint, the hair dresser immediately ushered Riley over to the ivory vanity on the wall of windows and Maya knew her Maid of Honor duty had just begun. "I can't believe it. Can you believe it, you guys?!"

The other bridesmaids squealed in their shared enthusiasm for her from their places all around the room and in the bathroom and Maya desperately wanted to feel the same but as she caught a glimpse of the ring box holding Lucas's wedding band next to Riley's earrings, it was all she could do not to run out on her, on the wedding, on the whole world.

Maya caught Riley's happy gaze in her mirror through the arms of the hairstylist already curling small tendrils and she forced a convincing smile for the bride, "I honestly can't believe it either, honey."

 _What do I do now that you're gone?_

 _No back up plan._

 _No second chance_

 _And no one else to blame._

 _All I can hear in the silence that remains_

 _Are the words I couldn't say._

* * *

The sound of Pachelbel's Canon had never felt as domineering as it had in that moment.

As much as Maya had tried to separate her feelings for the groom and her feelings for the bride, she had acknowledged that it was easier to do so without being around said groom. Now, just around the towering wooden cathedral doors and just out of sight of the guests sitting in the pews, her heart began hammering at a speed thrice the pace of the organ's song. All at once she could picture Lucas in his tux, carrying in his pocket the symbol of his eternal love for her best friend and her heart constricted painfully in her chest.

The hurt she felt every moment the happy couple were around her hit her like a wave and she clutched her bouquet hand to her stomach and leaned on the wall for support with the other. Riley was five feet away talking to her father trying to keep the happy tears out of her eyes as Mr. Matthews told her how proud he was. Maya heard the man's voice begin to break with emotion and she knew that she would have to swallow all of the heartache down to her toes before Riley noticed. The rest of the bridal party had already begun their walk down the aisle with their respective groomsmen and it was now Maya's turn to make the walk alone.

 _There's a rain that'll never stop falling._

 _There's a wall that I've tried to take down._

 _What I should've said just wouldn't pass my lips_

 _So I held back, and now we've come to this_

 _And it's too late now._

As she turned the corner through the doorway, she commanded her eyes to stay on the aisle runner but they drifted up of their own accord. Her eyes were pulled up as if by magnets to their target; the same beautiful blue green eyes that had occupied her fitful night's sleep the evening before and the same blue green eyes that have been overlaid over every single sight she had seen today. A constant reminder of her biggest mistake and worst regret. The image she had created in her head of how Lucas would look couldn't hold a candle to the real view. He looked every bit the southern James Bond that Maya used to tease him about being but even more handsome. His tux, hair and boutonniere were all perfectly in place but nothing looked greater on him than his smile. The world could be ending and she wouldn't notice anything but that.

Maya begun to make her slow ascent toward the alter, barely able to breathe and more than slightly lightheaded.

For the most minuscule moment, as Lucas's gaze held her own, she could almost imagine that this was her wedding, that Lucas was waiting at the end of that long aisle to make the promise to love _her_ for the rest of forever. That he had seen past the veil she hid behind and chose _her_. A light flickered in his eyes that reminded her of the warmth in his gaze many years prior and made her want to never take her eyes from his again.

And then all at once, the wedding guests all stood up and Lucas's eyes slid past her to where she knew Riley must be and the moment she had created in her mind was gone.

 _What do I do now that you're gone?_

 _No back up plan._

 _No second chance_

 _And no one else to blame_

 _All I can hear in the silence that remains_

 _Are the words I couldn't say._

When Riley and her father reached Lucas and the priest Mr. Matthews finally broke down as he gave his only daughter away to her fiancé, happy tears streaming down his face. Maya's gaze was shifted when the bride leaned over and handed her the bridal bouquet to hold. Maya crouched down to adjust her train on the steps as Riley took her place across from her betrothed. Glancing up from her hunched position, her eyes locked on to the couple and she froze. All she could see was the way Lucas's eyes crinkled at the corners and how deep his dimple became as he beamed at his soon to be wife and Maya's heart ceased its beating.

 _I should have found a way to tell you how I felt._

 _Now the only one I'm tellin' is myself._

As they began their vows the finality of the moment inescapably hit her. Years of regret and hurt all fell in ribbons down her cheeks and onto the bouquet as she straightened out of her crouch and watched the only man she had ever truly loved make a promise of forever to her best friend.

 _All I can hear in the silence that remains_

 _Are the words I couldn't say._

It was a good thing that everybody cries at weddings. Because at this point, no amount of emotional restraint could have stopped those tears from falling.


End file.
